In this episode, Queen Kimmie shares how to use stories in your business and what it takes to be a good leader including dealing with your own issues, giving up judgment and more.
3 Key Points
You need to be able to put little bits of your story throughout your brand to make people connect and resonate with you because nobody wants to connect with someone who has nothing in common with them.
People support what they care about.
Use a story as a repeatable sound bite.
[00:51] Ellen: Hi, and welcome to Episode 64. Today my guest is Queen Kimmie. Queen Kimmie is known for her heartfelt passion and no-nonsense talent like it is the approach to her teaching, speaking, coaching writing, and just plain living. Her energetic power pack, lifestyle coaching, and programs have changed and impact hundreds of lives with real live transformation. She serves the creative service-based visionary with a powerful message to share with the world to heal hardships of the past and find the mental resolve to reinvent your life.
She strongly believes that once you take care of your own foundation and framework, you can build the life and business you dream of with confidence and clarity.
So, welcome to the call, Kimmy.
Kimmie: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much, Ellen.
Ellen: Well, I’ll start by saying we met at “Driven, The Event” and Kimmie’s husband is also a musician (like me) and so, that was a point of commonality. So, that was why I reached out, and I wanted to learn more about them. And we had a conversation, and I love what you’re doing. And so, I wanted to have you on. So, why don’t you start by telling us a little bit about your story?
[2:10] Kimmie: I’d love to start there because I love the essence of storytelling. That is what I’m all about. The essence of storytelling in leadership, in business, in whatever it is that you’re doing. When we can own who we are and how we show up in the world, we realize you know people say, “This year, I’m starting Chapter 44 of my life,” because your whole life is a story. It is an experience. It is a journey. And when we can look at the pieces of that journey and say, “Oh, I like this. And I don’t like this. I like this. Oh, I really like this.” And we can create a unique experience, then that, and that alone, is one of the, how do you say, one of the things that we should consider when we want to thrive in life and business?
[2:59] Ellen: Well, how did you get started? How did you come to this to do this, to do what you do?
Kimmie: When I retired from the United States, army, cause I’m a retired combat veteran, one of the things that I wanted to do was I wanted to find a way to continue to train and lead, because it was one of the things that I love most about being in the military.
I would come to training meetings on Monday and my First Sergeant or Sergeant Major will say, “Oh and Sergeant T, you’re giving training this Thursday.” I’m like, “What??” And I became the go-to person for training, and they knew my training was going to be fun; it was going to be entertaining. They knew it was going to be out of the box. They knew it was just going to be like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to see what Sergeant Tyson got for us today.”
[03:44] So, I just love that. So, when I had the opportunity to become an instructor when I retired, I just wanted to give back with that same experience. So, I went to school. I got a degree in How to Start Businesses Online. Yeah.
Ellen: Oh, nice.
Kimmie: [Inaudible] marketing. And I coupled that with my experiences prior to the military, my military experience, my college education. So, all of that, I took it all and I just give it back.
Ellen: Well, that’s awesome. So, that’s interesting. I didn’t go to any school. I just figured something out and started teaching it. (Laugh)
Kimmie: And you know what? When I first started, I wanted to do that, but I had some issues around my own self to deal with around being significant.
Kimmie: Cause the army teaches us leadership and training and confidence in how to be well under pressure. But the army doesn’t tell you that civilians don’t have to do what you say.(Laugh)
[04:51] Ellen: Oh, that’s funny.
Kimmie: So, I’m like, when I retired, it was like, I want to keep doing this, so I went on a few job interviews and I realized that my personality is really driven. Driven. Did you hear that driven? I can’t stand mediocre work. I can’t stand transactional relationships. So for me, when I saw that in coaching, there’s a lot of transactional relationships. I want it to bring something different. I wanted to be able to come into the coaching world. I wanted to be able to offer individual, personalized attention that was relationship- and connection- focused, and not just when you pay me for a service, we’re done. I don’t like one-and-done transactions.
Ellen: Right. Yeah.
[5:36] Kimmie: To serve from that highest level, I wanted to go back to school so I could learn what was new, and what was out, and how to work social media, cause there’s a lot of people saying I’m a social-media marketer, but there’s a lot that goes with reading analytics, understanding CPR and CTIs and all the behind the scenes stuff that goes on that nobody wants to talk about.
[05:58] Ellen: Well, let’s talk about it.
Kimmie: What do you want to know about it?
[06:02] Ellen: Well, first of all, why don’t you tell people what that is? Because a lot of people don’t know what they stand for, what the initials stand for.
[06:07] Kimmie: How to track is basically how to track your data, how to track what you’re doing. It’s your virtual footprint on social media. How are you showing up? And how are you tracking it? And how are you utilizing that to scale and grow your business?
Ellen: Is there a program or something that you use or do you just go in and read Facebook? You know, what they tell you, or, what?
[06:33] Kimmie: Well, they have analytics in the backend of almost every program that you have, but the way I teach it to my students is whatever program you’re having,utilize their analytics, but you need to have your own CMR to track your own information.
[06:47] Ellen: Okay. So, I have infusion soft. What do you use?
Kimmie: I use Infusionsoft too.
Ellen: You use Infusionsoft. It’s really funny because when I started with infusion soft, it was like eleven years ago and it was so different than it is now. And they didn’t even have their own in-house training and stuff. You had to pay extra money and go somewhere else. And it was really kind of disjointed, but I got along until they changed it from Legacy to the Campaign Builder, and then I was like completely lost. And so, I’ve gone in there so many times and tried to get them to help me, and I just couldn’t do it. And then, the other day I did it again, and I think it finally clicked. We’ll see.
Kimmie: After eleven years?
Ellen: (I just stuck to Legacy until they stopped letting me do that just this year.)
Kimmie: One thing that I love about it is whatever I look for a program I’m always looking for a step-by-step process for me. I learn better when I say, if I’m going to do it and I run into a roadblock, I need to be able to raise my hand and say, “Hey, I need help,” and get the help I need on the spot. So, that’s valuable to me. And that’s one of the things I love about some of the different systems that I use.
[07:58] Ellen: That is so important. You know? Cause I’ll tell you about practically a decade ago. I would say I took a course from a very well-known marketer, and I really wanted to learn what they were teaching. And there was a point at which I got stuck. And what happened was that I called them and I said,” I need help.” And they said, “Well,” at that point they didn’t have what they have now. I mean, now they’re set up and they know how to do this. But at that point, and it’s so interesting when you like hear somebody’s story ten years later and they tell you what was really going on ten years earlier. Right?
So, I thought he had his act so together back then and he like didn’t have his act together at all.
[08:46] Ellen: Right? But, anyway. So they said, “Well, if you want to get help, you’ve got to come to where our office is in another state and you’ve got to pay $10,000 to get help.”
[08:57] Kimmie: You had already bought into the program?
[08:59] Ellen: Oh yeah. I’d already bought it. Yeah. And so, yeah. So, what happened was that I dropped it, and when I look back now, it would have been worth it. But at the time, I wasn’t in the frame of mind where I could see that it was worth it, and they evidently weren’t good at sharing the value of what they had, because I said, no, right? But I’m with you a hundred percent. I mean, now if I look at a program and there was no way for me to get help, forget it., Whether I have to pay a little more or whether it comes with it or whatever, but I have to have some way to get help that is not exorbitant to get help once I already paid, you know?
[09:48] Kimmie: Exactly. And I feel like it’s just so valuable to serve at your highest level when you’re helping someone. If they say, “Hey, I’m having trouble with this.” I think it’s our responsibility to help them with something we created, because if we created it and someone’s having trouble understanding it, or they’re not processing it correctly, it may be something that we can go back and torque within our own program to make the process better for someone else.
[10:12] Ellen: Right. That too. Yeah. That’s another piece of it.
Kimmie: But no, if you’re not hands-on, if you’re not in the trenches with what’s going on in your program.
Ellen: Uh-huh, yeah. So, how do you work with people? Like what’s kind of the process that you take them through. Do you have a system or how do you work?
[10:32] Kimmie: Well, I have several systems. The name of our company is Scatterbrain Kingdom. And within Scatterbrain Kingdom, it’s just like going to Disney World. You come in and you go to the ride that you want to ride. You choose the path and you take the journey. That’s how you do it. So, what I’ve learned is I listen for what you need. And I will tell you, “Hey, you know what? In Scatterbrain Kingdom, at this station, this is where you can get this.” And if you would like every station, then you can get the entire package as well.
[11:00] Ellen: Oh, I like that. Cause I worked that way too. And it drives me crazy when people are just like, this is what it is. And then, you have to fit into their system rather than listening to people and what they need. Cause one thing I’ve learned from not just from doing the podcast, although I will say there was one podcast I did, I can’t think of which one it was, but anyway, where this woman talked about the different kinds of personalities that people have and the way they learn is very different.
Ellen: And it’s really interesting because I didn’t really focus on that until she said that. And then, it was like, “Oh, now I get it.” Like, there are some people who will come in, and they’re just so focused on like when they’re doing a book, what it looks like, and how it feels and all that. And it’s a certain kind of personality versus somebody else who looks at “Okay, how do we get this done and out there, and what’s the system, what are the steps. And there’s just, they’re very different in the way they process information and what they’re looking for in what they’re doing. And so, I just want to tell people that, , if you’re looking for what Kimmy has, that is something that I highly recommend is going with somebody who does that, because people do need different things based on where they are and also on the kind of personality they have.
[12:22] Kimmie: Exactly. And when you’re looking at the personality, it also makes a difference to be aware of the generational gaps, learning environment. So, if you’re marketing a program, you can’t market to everybody. You have to know, “Hey, I’m talking to these people and they’re in this generation. When they were growing up, these are the things that they did. They’re not comfortable doing this, because when they were growing up at 12 o’clock, their TV went black or something, I think, right? I don’t know what happened to the TV, like lines or something. So, you have to think about the generation, and what’s important to the generation, cause the generational gap is huge. You wouldn’t speak to a millennial the same way you’d speak to someone who’s sixty years old.
[13:03] Ellen: Yeah. It’s so true. You know that texting, like I’m over sixty. I hate texting. I just hate it. And it’s funny, cause my brother is sixty and that’s the only way he like talks to me is like messaging and texting and I’m like, “What??” It takes time to write all that stuff.
Kimmie: I know. And my daughter she’ll text me something. And I’m like, “What does that mean?” And she’s like, “Oh my goodness, momma is IDK. I don’t know.” I’m like, “Oh, okay, got it.”
13:3 Ellen: Yeah, yeah. Or, somebody will say to me, well,” I texted you.” I’ll go, “I don’t normally look at my texts,” unless somebody tells me they’re going to text me and I know to look otherwise, forget it. I just don’t do that.
Kimmie: I was talking to a lady this morning and she told me, she said, “Queen Kimmie. I sent you a voicemail.” I said, “Do they still use voicemail?”(Laugh)
Ellen: Oh, that’s hysterical.
Kimmie: We started laughing cause we do use voicemail, but it’s only like for business-related stuff, but just personal, every day. I don’t use voicemail. Do you use voicemail?
[14:11] Ellen: No. The only time I use voicemail is I have one partner that sometimes, when we’ll be messaging, and then he’ll be in the car, and he’ll send me a voicemail, through Messenger, that kind of thing.
[14:23] Kimmie: Okay. Well, I am really excited and honored to be here because whenever I get an opportunity to talk about the essence of storytelling, I love it, because people don’t realize that the signature story and the way you express yourself in your life, in your business- that’s your story. And when you’re talking to people about what’s important to them, you need to be able to put little bits of your story throughout your brand to make people connect and resonate with you, because nobody wants to connect with someone who has nothing in common with them.
Ellen: Right. Right. Well, while we’re doing this, we happen to be in the political season. I don’t know when I think this might air after that. But one of the things that they were commenting on last night was just the stories. I’d like been in watching the Democratic convention and I’ve been sobbing for three days (laugh) at people’s stories, at people’s stories. I mean, it’s heartbreaking.
Kimmie: Exactly. So, imagine if you were telling a story about your business or your brand.
Kimmie: People support what they care about.
Kimmie: People support what they care about. And I don’t care if you are a leader, if you have your own business, if you’re just starting. If you’ve been in business for years. Even as a leader, when I was in the military, when I talked to my soldier that had a different upbringing and different background and different culture for me, I would start with “do you know the story of?” And I would start with a story. And my favorite one would be, “Do you know the story of the little red hen?” It’s not fair for everybody in this shop to be doing all the work while you’re on appointments all day. So, we would start with the story, so they can understand the concept.
[16:03] Ellen: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s actually a really good way to write a book is to, if you can write, create a story at the beginning of each chapter, I know there’s some people who write their books that way. And if you have the stories to do it, that’s a great way to do it. Another ways to do it like a quote at the beginning or something.
Kimmie: I love that. I love that. That’s one of the things. So, I have a client that I’m working with right now in the process of writing her book. And she said, “I don’t know how to start.” And I said, “Well, when you’ve finished your signature story, when you finish your signature message, your signature story, you will already have a book when you’re done working with Queen Kimmie and we go through the boss of thing, there are four jewels in the boss’ effect. When you collect that fourth jewel, you’re ready to go. You can use that story for books. You can do it for podcasts. You can do it for coaching. You can do it for services. You can do it for speaking. You can do eBooks. You can do workshops. There’s no limit to how you can use your own personal story to be a success and to have the life that you desire.
[17:11] Ellen: I love that. I love that. So, can you give us a couple examples? Like how do you use your story?
[17:17] Kimmie: I use my story. Oh, my book’s not up here. I’m slipping. I usually have my book within arm’s distance. I use my story through speaking. My husband and I have [11:11] live show, which is the podcast. We have a free Facebook community called the Majestic Pride where we come together because we believe that each one, teach one, and when we have that support system that we can all rise together. And then we have our paid membership community where we house all of our products.
[17:46] Ellen: The other thing about the other thing I wanted to say about stories is, I mean, when I’m talking to a prospect, I always tell them stories. And I always use stories of other people that I’ve worked with and what happened or what didn’t happen or whatever. So yeah, I mean like one of the really great things people can do is actually make a list of stories.
Like just sit down and write out a list of the different stories that you tell.
Kimmie: I love that.
Ellen: And I will say, I have one mentor and I’ve known him for so long. I mean, he was one of the first people I ever met. So like back to 2004 and this is 2020 while we’re doing this, and I’ve heard the same stories. like thousands of times, I just hear the same (client success) story.
[18:31]: So one thing that I would say, like, if you can keep amassing stories, so you don’t go back to the same stories. Cause I know I find myself doing that too. I go, some of the ones that I’ve said over and over, it’s like they kind of get in a groove in your head and then you keep using them. I got to come up with some more stories, but I mean, I don’t have to come up with them. I actually already have them. I just need to write them down, so that I remember.
[18:53] Kimmie: That is where I differ from a lot of coaches. Okay. I studied a lot of the great speakers of today. Jack Canfield, John Maxwell, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Eric Thomas Mariana way. I’ve studied them. And one thing that I noticed is they tell the exact same stories just in a different way. (She’s talking about their story. Here I was talking about sharing success stories of clients.)
[19:19] Ellen: That’s another way. Yeah. The same story in different ways. Huh? Oh, interesting.
[19:24]: Kimmie: Exactly. Because when I see you, Ellen, I want to say, “Oh, that’s Ellen, the lady with the blue hair”. I’m going to always remember your story. like a repeatable soundbite by the story.
[19:38]: Yeah. You can use a story as a repeatable sound bite.
[19:41]: Kimmie: Exactly. Because once you have that signature thing, this is what I stand for. This is the essence of who I am. So, once I own that, every time you see me, no matter what I’m talking about, I’m owning the essence of that story in some light. So if you ever notice, like for Les Brown, Les Brown tells the exact same stories. He uses the exact same sound bites every single time.
[20:06] Ellen: Well, it’s interesting when I hear them say the same thing over and over, I think they’ve only helped like three people.
[20:13] Kimmie: And you’re thinking, wait a minute, I listened to Les Brown DVD from the nineties. And he’s still saying the same thing in 2020. And it’s like that song that you hear on the radio. You keep hearing it over and over and it becomes stuck in your head. So, when someone has a problem or an issue, they’re going to think about you because you’re not giving them different messages. You’re giving them one story, one soundbite, one image, one thought, one is that based on
[20:43] Ellen: Is that based on his story or when he’s telling stories of people he’s helped?
[20:48] Kimmie: When he’s talking about his story.
Ellen: Oh, his story.
Kimmie: He very seldom talks about people that he’s helped. He’s usually talking about his story, or experiences in his own life.
Kimmie: We want to be careful using other people’s stories.
Ellen: Why? Because you have to one have their permission. you have to have their permission to tell their story. Two. You’re telling someone else’s story, from your perspective, in your understanding of it, you may not have what they want. And two and three, you’re telling someone else’s story. So when you’re giving someone else’s story, you need to make sure you’ve heard that person tell their story. And you’re repeating what they want to be told and not putting your spin on someone else’s experience.
[21:28] Ellen: Well, that makes sense. So, why don’t you tell us about your book
Kimmie: And it just the caveat and say, if that doesn’t make sense, just know that I learned that from Les Brown when I was being personally- retrained. Okay. I’m passing the buck.
[21:46] Ellen: Yeah. So, like I said, I think it’s different if when you’re talking about your own story, versus when you’re using examples of people that you’ve helped. It’s like, that’s what I’m saying is when I’m talking about
[21:56]: Hearing examples from people that have helped and I heard the same over and over, I started to wonder how many people they’ve helped.I don’t know. That’s just me.
Kimmie: Oh, I got it. You want as many testimonials as possible, but you want to use your top three, your best testimony. Right?
[22:12] Ellen: Right, right Yeah. No, there are certain ones that I will always use, but then I always want to throw in something new so that people know I’m still working.
[22:23] Kimmie: I was working on it. Repurposing material, not reinventing the wheel because top of mind is what people remember. And if every time I see you, you’re giving me something different. I’m going to think you’re confused and that you need to come see Queen Kimmy over at Scatterbrain Kingdom, so we can take you on a journey to becoming focused.
[22:42] Ellen: Why don’t you tell us, how did you come up with scatterbrain? I thought that was a funny story.
[22:47] Kimmie: I came up with Scatterbrain Kingdom as a little girl. It was a way for me to escape reality and just go into my own little world in which I am Queen Kimmy of Scatterbrained Kingdom. When you grow up the way I grew up, you always want to look for a way to play and use your imagination. And Scatterbrain Kingdom was, for me as a little kid, my imaginary getaway from the stresses of reality.
[23:08] Ellen: I actually, I didn’t know that I thought I thought part of it was sort of a scatter-brain kind of approach to life.
Kimmie: Huh. It is. It is. Yeah. Notice I was having stressors in my life as a kid and I wanted to escape those stressors of reality. So, I would go to Scatterbrain Kingdom and create the reality that I wanted in my life.
Ellen: Oh nice.
Kimmie: So, now as an adult, when I retired from the military, and I had to reinvent myself, I had to find the mental resolve to do so. So, I had to take myself into my little world of Scatterbrain Kingdom and find the mental resolve to reinvent my life in business because I had a second chance.
Ellen: Oh, nice. Okay. So, I wanted to ask you about the book. So, tell us about the book.
[24:00] Kimmie: So, the name of my book is How I Learned to Love and Let Go. And it is talking about how I learned to love myself enough to let go of the old story of my life. The old story that someone else gave me, the old story of what society said I should be, because of where I was born and where I grew up and where I went. No, no, no. My book is about my experience to finding myself. And it’s talking about the steps that I took, some of the things that I learned. and it’s also has a few pieces of my program in my book.
24:3 Ellen: Ah, so are there some tips that you can give us about that for people who want to learn to love and let go?
Kimmie: Learning to love and let go for me, I studied a lot. I used to be a minister. And one of the things that I really love is studying different world religions, okay?
And one of the things that was the hardest for me to let go was the belief system that everybody had to believe, think, and worship the way I do.
Ellen: Oh, yes.
Kimmie: That was one of the hardest things for me on my journey to be openminded to allow myself to have a growth mindset, to know that we are all on a journey, and we’re all equally important and that while I’m living life as best I can, I want to give you the right to do the same thing.
[25:31] Ellen: That is really important. That is really important because that is don’t even get me started on religion. But that is one of the, well, because that’s one of the things that it’s like when people are attached to that, it has to be their way or the highway that’s how we get into all these. I mean, there’ve been religious wars for all of eternity, but for that reason, that they think their way is the only way, huh?
[25:52] Kimmie: Let me tell you, I was that person so much so that I couldn’t see past it. Even in the military, my First Sergeant, in the military, they curse a lot in the military. Right? So, my First Sergeant would come out to the front of the platoon and he’d go, “Oh, y’all” and then he stopped and he’d go, “Wait a minute. Where’s Tyson and I’d have to fall out, go over there. And I’d have to fall out of a formation and go somewhere, so I can’t hear him supposedly, but I can still hear him. And then, he just cursed everybody out. And then, ‘d say, “All right, go get Tyso now.”
And then, I come back to the formation, and he’d looked at me, and he say, “Oh, you’re going to be cursing before you leave here. Oh, you’re going to do these things.” I’m like, “No, you need to come to Jesus.” And I will always just be so gung ho, and I wanted everybody in the company to that way. And the First Sergeant, “Oh yeah, I’m going to watch you. You’re not going to stay like that in the army.” I’m like, “Yes, I am.” Well, I didn’t.
[26:50] Ellen: Well, that is a huge change. And it’s important because as an entrepreneur, you are always growing and changing, and you have to be open to new experiences and new ways of seeing things.
Kimmie: Exactly. So, when people say you want to attract your tribe, your vibe attracts your tribe, and people who are going to resonate with you are people who can relate to what you’ve been through. So, when you’re telling your story and you’re talking about the things that you’ve gone through and the things that you’ve experienced, that is what’s going to attract the people, that is what’s going to attract your paying client. That’s what you’re solving. What you had to solve for yourself is what other people need to solve.
Kimmie: And for me, learning to love myself enough to know that I can let go of that story and still be significant in my own right.
[27:39] Ellen: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that’s, that’s huge. Yeah. And that is a great way to create a business is by teaching what you’ve learned.
Kimmie: Uh-huh. Exactly.
Ellen: Yeah. So, how did that transformation happen from, okay, you’re in the army or is that right? In the army?
Kimmie: Yeah, in the army.
Ellen: And you’ve got this mindset that everybody should do it your way. How did that change? How did you move out of it?
[28:08] Kimmie: I started traveling all over the world. I started to meet people from all walks of life. I had soldiers that I could not effectively train and lead because they were afraid to talk to me, because I’m going to share this, I had a soldier who was Jewish and the soldier would not talk to me. We would all talk and laugh and joke, but no soldier had a major problem, and a soldier would not come and tell me what the problem was because the soldier did not want to admit to me that he was Jewish for fear that I would treat him differently.
Ellen: Oh, uh-huh.
Kimmie: I had another soldier, she was a lesbian. And she was uncomfortable working with me because she was attracted to me and she didn’t want to tell me. So, it was affecting the way I was able to bond with the people that I needed to work with. And they’re not the problem. it was like, “Okay, if your soldiers won’t approach you as a leader, you can’t be effective,”
Kimmie: If the people you’re serving don’t feel comfortable coming to you or talking to you, you can’t be effective. So, in order for me to be effective, I took the steps necessary to cope with my own stuff so that I could show up for the people that I was here to serve.
[29:22] Ellen: That’s important. So, before we go, do you have any final tips that you want to tell people about letting go, about starting a business, about whatever?
[29:32] Kimmie: I would love to. So, this signature thing that my husband and I are all about is being a boss. And when we say a boss, BOSS is an acronym. That’s that military in me, you see? It stands for be a bold, outspoken, soulful storyteller, because that is how you will change the world.
Ellen: Love that boss, be a boss. Okay. All right. Well, thanks so much for coming on. I appreciate you.
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